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"Still the searcher must ride the dark horse, racing alone in his fright"
-Neil Young

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Been there done that

Well, not exactly.
I am living in Tamarindo, Costa Rica. Almost two years since leaving my life, children, former wife and making the last post to this blog.
Much was accomplished, I'm told by my shrink, Robert, I'm like the Timex watch commercial. Takes a licking but keeps on ticking. I'm ticking. I've taken a hell of a licking.

So this is what transpired over the past two years:

My brand new home was cleaned out by the developer, everything that was not stolen was broken. He also broke a two year contract to lease the home to be used as  model home. It turns out he promised this to the rest of the owners in another development that was under construction simultaneously.   When the house was finally finished a year latter than planed the  real estate market was history, decimated. Impossible to recoup my investment and muddling through life with a broken heart for divorce,  I set each day into motion. Days gone by, sweltering heat, I love the snow by the way and wasted time waiting for people to fix appliances, rewire conduit, fix pipes replace appliances and deliver a completely refurnish the home that was supposed to be delivered totally furnished and decorated.  Many times the worked needed to be redone before it was done correctly. Neither the architect or the builder offered any assistance. I was on my one with out employment or a clue how I was going to get through each day in this Spanish speaking  country,  I don't speak Spanish either.

I was lucky thought. I found a property manager that may have saved me from a much worse fate. The people she worked with were all wonderful, honest kind and skillful. I paid a fair price and got excellent service as well. Some repairs took six months like installing a transformer to supply adequate electricity for the home. In the U.S would be  so straight forward but trust me, not in Costa Rica.

I arrived here on the fourth of July 2011. Today almost two years later, the home is renting, mostly to families and couples and the response is terrific. Every thing is repaired or replaced. I provide 24/7 concierge services that only someone that has built connections and knows the community can provide.

The income is a blessing but I face two challenges. The first is creating additional income the second is getting out of here for six months of the year. I hate the heat, I do much better in a cold climate like where I used to live Sun Valley Idaho. I also miss being around my daughters. Somehow I'm compelled to return to New York where they live and rebuild my life, generate some more income.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Saddle up the Palomino, the sun is going down

I'm back from Costa Rica. Specifically Tamarindo, Costa Rica. To visit my last object, a house I paid for (in full) of desire. A thing of beauty that validated my most treasured concept in life, for me, monetary success. Of course this success is relative but to me it was like coming home. I finally found something I liked to do and was luckily pretty good at it. Or so I believed. And may well believe again in the near term future if I can monetize the place by turning  it into a rental or resort property( bed & breakfast). The trip went well. What was a overwhelming and daunting catastrophic situation is getting managed through the expertise and professionalism of a property manager whom I was connected to my the guy in  Ketchun, Idaho, 2003 that first recommended to me that Costa Rica was a great place to go surfing. I love surfing. Been doing it since I was twelve but hadn't surfed in a long time and flew there on a lark and bought a lot near by my home in Hacienda Pinilla.

Any way, work is getting done. I'll refinish the decks around the pool, bury the electrical cables and get the place furnished. All very positive. Now I need to learn some Spanish, build a web site furnish the home. I guess this is my new life. A 58 year old single guy with a kick ass home in Tamariono, in the jungle, on the beach, floating above the trees, minuets from the town. Any one know a nice attractive single woman who would like to live in Costa Rica, with me?

Monday, October 18, 2010

A short report on working with grief

 I decided to edit this post because it was to wordy, is wordy even a word? Not sure.
I used the bold formating for the new text and the strikethrough  thingamajig to for words that don't work.


I thought it could be helpful, to some of you, if I shared my successes around the subject of grief and what works for me. I'm a tough nut to crack, I am easily distracted , scattered and often times I will just give up on a plan of action if any one obstacle "blows me a way". Here are some examples of allowing the frustration of not learning stuff to make me quit are:

 1. Learning to master, be competent  in HTML. I got the basics but afterthe
tag I began to get overwhelmed. The Same scenario for learning CSS, Cascading Style Sheets, (basic web design).
 2. Learning the most elementary concepts of  PHP, and Adobe Program Dreamweaver.

 3. Any programing language. I took a class many years ago in Pascal but became total lost after one session.

 4. Wanting to make art but not committing any time to do it.
     I was not disciplined.

These are the things I want to learn, I believe that they could help me in my quest  for to a new carrier or they could be important just because I really found this technology them  interesting. but
( I used to a Real Estate investor) My loss of confidence, in part is because mainley of  inadequate preparation and self discipline and because learning these tools is just not easy, at least for me without a teacher or an advisor.
I gave up. Naw ...  I said to my self, "I can't do this." "Shit I'm stupid." I grieved a allot.

Then from another part of my self, I felt that I since I could not fix the problem of being unemployed, unemployable, uncreative, unmotivated and unloved (romantically) I could try to get advice from others that have gone through grief.


1. Very important! take you energy, your focus, your concentration away from thoughts and put it in your focus on your heart. Do this by feeling your heart area but in the middle of your chest, not on the left side where you physical heart is. It is call the heart center or heart "chakra". Be conscious of this place on yourself. That is step one. Next, feel this center and focus energy into it. Fell it tingle (or not). It may take several attempts but if I can do this stuff so can you. Remember, I am  can be an extremely scattered and dysfunctional person these days. So please give this a chance to work, if it has helped me there is a good chance it will help you. Now think of any one you love. It, the object that brings joy, could be a place or a song, think of anything that brings you that feeling of happiness. Do this for five minuets of so. Lay down if you like but do it when you feel the dread of hopelessness com over you.

2. Write. Write about you (our favorite subject). Just make your self write. For me, I need to communicate with other people that are going through what I am going through so the Blog is perfect for me.

3. Cry, people say you need to be strong, crying requires strength. Get it out and move on.

4. Read other people story's of their struggles.

Try it and let me know if they worked for you.

Richard Sher

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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Diving through the rabbit hole

  I am entering in to a journey of a place within us. It can be terrifying because as with all journeys of a personal nature it can only be traveled alone. There are few guides or guide posts, it is uncharted because it is shunned by our materialistic society. It was never designed to be monetized. It's purpose is a transcendent one. It is the only way I can find to recreate my life after loosing my dreams. One doesn't even know what one is looking for. All we know is what we had to live for and all that brought us comfort and a (false) sense of security will not work for us any more.
I know I am  getting a little wordy here but I am confronted with an unremitting sense that with out going into that place where we are quite alone, in a fog, a place where logic fails us but where a part of our self more connected to the nature of that universal self flourishes. And It's there where we find the strength necessary to meet the challenge of renewing and rekindling the flame of innocence creativity and the energy of youth. It lives within us for all ages. You can see it in the bright faces of those that have tried and succeeded with this journey. They come out stronger than they ever imagined but I'm sure it was much more difficult than they ever imagined as well.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The new and improved self

Today is September 14th 2010. I moved back to My home near Sun Valley, Idaho. 
A Lot of decisions became my new state of being. I got divorced, our home won't sell. Tens of thousands of dollars of mortgage payments and home improvements have gone no where to attracting a buyer. Not even one offer in two years can justify holding on to an under water mortgage. I turned 58 last week and I'm drinking a beer. I got a job, I empty garbage cans a the Sun Valley resort. I make 1/20th  the income I made in 2008 but IT IS A STEP forward in regaining a place among the living. I plan to move to Costa Rica for a period of each year. I turn my attention to finding a means of employment preferably creating a business to support my self in Tamarindo. I feel like I have survived a great transition. I wouldn't trade in the experience of having my financial security and materialistic identity stripped from my heart,  not even for the cash I lost, a lot of cash lost at that. I'll be back...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

How to move to start

I decided to look for any job I can find. It's kind of a joke since I need to earn a good salary if I intend to keep my home. Working at a dead end job also takes time away from pursuing a carrier.  Working for twelve dollars per hour wont cover the mortgage. But I think taking any job will help to tip the balance in the stale mate of my life.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I want to share someting but I 'm not ready

I want to help people, That's why I love reading Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist I want to model myself after her. She is really brilliant, she has Asperger syndrome yet her communication skills are so refined. I want to believe that I have something to learn and ultimately something to teach from making what I believe is the worst investment play of my life. Investing a ton of money into a high end home in Costa Rica that I believed I could sell for a significant profit. Of course the home could turn into a wonderful opportunity depending on how the world turns (if you know what I mean). I should add here that I leveraged my family's primary residence to secure that investment and I can't cover the payments on my home because the Costa Rica deal is for the time dead money (if you know what I mean). I hope to use this blog as a stage to act out the twists and turns betting (the blog) on the chance that I will emerge from my condominium with wisdom or at least solutions that you the reader will appreciate. In other words I hope to bear fruit. In the I Ching there is this beautiful passage, it goes like this: All that is visible must grow beyond itself, extend into the realm of the invisible. Thereby it receives its true consecration and clarity and takes firm root in the
cosmic order. I like the cosmic order. Don't you?

But so far I am writing because I am so scared and writing centers me. God knows I need the centering. I am Scared like never before, afraid that I won't be able resolve my situation and that all that is good about me will dissolve into mediocrity. Yuck, that sounds so truly bad. I hope through writing I will uncover a truth that I can manifest and grow into something that becomes worthwhile advice.

I am coming around to appreciate Patience. From Patience comes a perspective that I can only say is vital to release me from the panic and overwhelming stress I live with. Today my soon to be ex-wife insisted that I take any job I can find so that I am working regardless of the salary. I believe I need to spend the days looking for a carrier or at least a job somewhat related to something I have experience in. This includes Sales/Engineering, Digital art production, Teaching and getting paid to lunch with wealthy women. I can live on my savings for a while and look for a decent position or I can work at a dead end job. I can live on my saving for even longer if I default on my Mortgage payment.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm also getting divorced as well.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

That perfect storm thing.

At the end of my first post I concluded saying "Then something unforeseeable occurred. This is what I meant:
So, we left our home in Sun Valley, Idaho and showed up in New York just as the economic meltdown hit. My wife and I were hoping the move would improve out marriage. It didn't. My income from a home I was finishing in Costa Rica evaporated. The development containing this investment property was left in ruin and to complicate matters even more the Costa Rica government place a ban on all construction because of their concern that the boom in development was disturbing the reproduction of the Leather Back Turtle. That ban remained in effect until two weeks ago, it lasted over one year. No one was investing or buying Real Estate in Tamarindo, Costa Rica. Our investment was dead money, almost a year after, were talking now Dec 15th 2009, we have a beautiful home overlooking Tamarindo bay but that battle is not the wolf at the door, it's the wolf over the ridge. The wolf at the door is the Sun Valley home. It's the one with the debt against us, I mean it's the one with the debt against it(ha, ha)(very funny). Our home in Idaho wouldn't rent as well so we put this amazing home on the market to sell(no buyers to date). by the end of 2008 it became painfully apparent that my relationship with my wife of nineteen years was unraveling. It's the end of 2009
I live in a tiny room above a garage of a home near my wife and kids with our two dogs. My wife now almost ex wife is starting a business which requires modest amounts of cash to promote her Skin Care line her project for the past four years. We have two teenager daughters by the way. One of them is just a year away from starting College. We can't even imagine how our kids are being affected by all that is going on. Life had struck us a terrific blow and I'm reeling from it!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Today

My friend Jack Burgess is a great person, he did my chart and last month he sent me an email about what he saw in that Astrological picture. This is what he wrote:

Hi Richard,
I want to make sure you understand something important. You are going to experience episodic peaks of intensity for quite some time. Not weeks or even months. The experiences that will quite possibly manifest could be life altering. I am not a sooth sayer. but from years of personal experience I have noted how people have gone through some intense shifts. Lives unfold, new awareness is hard to come by without being stretched by circumstances seemingly beyond conscious control. All-the-while, I have also witnessed some very close friends, go through similar cycles at the same time as me and have a completely different experience without any noticeable negatives. So I would be foolish to predict how you will realize your choices or interpret your circumstances.

One of my closest friends changed jobs, gave up a career, took a new job at 57 and has had an unbelievably positive experience. Regardless, of outcome, the experience will be life altering. The shifts of energy and how you perceive others as-well-as yourself will be transformational. Somethings will have to be relinquished in order for others to come into manifestation. It will probably be or seem chaotic with vary degrees of intensity at specific times. Some could be very high peak experiences and felt in a positive way. Even if every specific time was known, it won't make any difference, because you'll live it and feel it and in most circumstances become so attached to what you're feeling that knowing dates or length of time won't matter at all because time will cease.

December is one of these episodes when several cycles overlap and the energy released through you will in all likelihood be noticeable. I started journaling my everyday thoughts, feelings and people with whom showed up in my life. They're became players in my life and each represented something within me I was trying to get in touch with.

Then I forwarded his coment off to my friend Dan Geiger. This is what Dan wrote back: There are 3 stories I know that discuss Buddha’s enlightenment. First, is the normal story where he was a prince, renounced home and family, went thru 6 years of wandering and meditating, and then finally sat firm under the boddhi tree for 7 days and opened his eyes to the morning light and was enlightened 2500 years ago. The second has him knowing that he has to leave, making love to his wife that night before leaving, and making her pregnant with child. A monastic, stark view of enlightenment outside of society and family. This story has her carrying the baby for 6 years as the prince wanders and meditate on his own, and she gives birth at the exact moment that the Buddha becomes enlightened. A view of enlightenment that incorporates the family, the feminine side, and the Buddha’s need for self discovery. The final view says that on every atom at every moment throughout the infinite universe, the Buddha is becoming enlightening over and over and over…Now, Now, Now. Are these contradictory? Is there a common thread or is there one way to get there? What is your way?



Personally, this is tough stuff for you. There are no clear milestones other than your intuition and perspectives of others. This stuff can be viewed from most any direction. Let me know when I can help with some clarity and my own ramblings and confusion. We are all in this together. We can all be saved. I think that we are all saved, but very, very few of us know it. Our place in the universe is a rough one, but it is the right one.



Gotta go back to work ;-)

Ciao for now and thanks for sharing.

Jack seems like an interesting dude.



Dan

This is what I wrote today: Jack;

December is, well turning out to be a really hard month. Like you implied in your email to me.
I began a blog http://reinventingrichardsher.blogspot.com/ It is my first serious attempt at writing. I feels right, feeling right about anything is a gift. I hope I can use it to to help others in a similar situation as my self.

I can't yet put one foot in front of the other, this is especially difficult when it comes to finding work. I cry daily. I'm glad I live alone so no one has to see me. My daughter has developed a eating disorder. Not purging but not eating much of anything. This morning I made her some Carnation Instant Breakfast, she took a few sips and left the rest on the kitchen table. I pleaded with her to have at least half as much before school but she yelled at me saying "dad, don't push me, you promised not to." I cried again, My other daughter, the younger one patted me on the back and told me not to worry. I finally stopped crying but by then older one had already left the house to walk to school alone. The weather was freezing. I feel completely drained and of no use to any one. If I don't write these feelings out I become scared that I will simply fade away and never find love again.

Sorry;


Richard Sher

One thing you may have noticed, but if you haven't I'll spell it out for you. Pretty amazing friends I've got, hu?
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

some background stuff

My life is crazy. I began pretty nice and normal. I grew up in a upper middle class suburb just south of Beverly Hills, Ca. An only child of two loving parents. Dad was an orthopedic surgeon and mom worked as his secretary, played classical piano and sang opera for pleasure.They lived conservatively, my dad preferred a less stressful life so investments were declined in lieu of quality time.

Something happened at the age of five or six. I began twitching really bad, it looked like Tourettes Syndrome. I got tested but there was never a conclusive diagnosis. I also had Dyslexia and maybe a little ADD as well. The twitching put my life into a knot. The twitches lasted through high school and into college.

I never really got much of an education. I could barely read let alone keep my eyes open long enough to see the page. All pages were twitched at equally. Math, English, Science, History as well as comic books or magizines. The worst part was girls. I really liked girls but I was teased by the best of them. There was absolutely no compassion from my school mates. I think I inspired the resentment in part because I have total lack of self confidence and that came across in spades. No mercy was shown by any one. I have no friends as you can imagine boys just wanted to beat me up when ever an opportunity arose. Humiliated but not physically damaged I stumbled and fell to the ground, each and every day. Even on week ends I would get up early and take the bus to the ocean to surf. There I was also teased my the local surfers. I would miss waves because when I got excited about catching one I would twitch so badly that I would often miss the best rides. The only time I was free of the "ticks" was when I was able to control them long enough to charm girls in to makeing out with me. If I was kissing I wasn't twitching. Then and only then was I at piece. The twitches were all but gone by the time is was Twenty One.

I did pretty well, maybe not amazingly well but I became a sales enginer. I became an artist, a parent and an investor in resort location Real Estate. I was sitting pretty for about twelve years. Did not have to work to make enough money to live in a mountain town where my kids and I skied all winter, lived in a lovely home. But that man was really that boy who only stopped twitching when he kissed a girl but Married a woman that didn't like his kissing. We loved each other but the love of friendship was mistaken with being in love. We moved to New York to begin another chapter of life, then something unforeseeable occurred.

Click on the picture of me to vistit my Web Site

Click on  the picture of me to vistit my Web Site
Richard Sher Digital Art